File this under... OH NO here he goes again...

Let me start by saying first off - I am NOT against going green, I am NOT against saving trees, and I am NOT against increasing productivity and time. With that said, lets review this brand new service...

It's called Zumbox. You can find it here:

http://beta.zumbox.com/home

The premise of this service is - that we can save money, time, trees, etc. by sending all of our "regular" US Postal mail by computer. In their "ingenious" business plan - since everyone (presumably) has a mailing address, and not everyone has an email address - they will accept your mail for you. All someone needs is your physical mailing address. They send it to the Zumbox server, to your mailing address. Then you can log on - and check your mail. That is the stuff that usually comes in your physical mailbox.

A quote from their homepage:

"If all U.S. households received and paid their bills electronically, the country would save 16.5 million trees annually. That’s the amount of the lumber needed for 216,054 single-family homes."

This may be a true statement... however...

Where the fuck do I start shooting holes in this stupid idea?

Idea: everyone has a mailing address, but does not have an email address.
Granted this is true - but think about it for a minute...

In this day and age, if they do not have an email address - odds are - THEY DO NOT HAVE A COMPUTER. So how are they going to get their mail? Go to the local library and use a public computer? Well that is much more convienient than going to your front door. Also, I would love to drop into the local Kinko's, paying by the minute to get copies of all of my bank statements, credit cards bills, etc. – one nice little cache pull by any employee with half a brain - could wipe me out in less than an hour. That’s secure.

Speaking of secure – my mail is sent to Zumbox, and it sits on their server… They want everyone to get their bills and statements sent to Zumbox… How long do you think it will take before the hacking community figures out that getting into one server is a goldmine? It makes them a huge target - I hope their biggest expenditure is SECURITY.

Idea: a convienient way to get mail and help the environment.

How is this convenient? It is basically ANOTHER email address I have to check. Someone sends me something – in my Zumbox. I have to GO TO THEIR SITE to get it. Also, anyone you send something to must have an account. So I can send them something, but then I have to follow up with a phone call, or A LETTER or AN EMAIL – to tell them that they have mail in their Zumbox.

Idea: you do not have to track email addresses, you just use the mailing address you already have on file.

Well, I for one WANT to track email addresses. Let me ask you what is easier to keep track of? Joe Schmoe, 123 anywhere drive, apartment 15, anywhere, XX 12345 – OR – Jschmoe@email.com? What is faster to type? What is easier to remember? I for one, know my major clients email addresses off the top of my head – their mailing address…. I have to look up. Now granted, I am not a huge corporation with thousands of clients. So ask the lowest level customer service representative for any company: Would you rather type or verify a mailing address - or an email address? I bet the shorter one wins.

Idea: get everyone to go paperless.

Quote from their site “Helping our environment, by transitioning to a paperless postal system.”

Directly below this line on this page:

“What Are the Best Ways to Tell my Recipients?”

“Place a Zumbox tag-line or logo on your invoices, statements, and other documents.” You know the items you already send them BY MAIL OR EMAIL.

“Place a Zumbox tag-line or logo on your envelopes.” Umm.. those things you mail stuff in?

“Send a letter, via the U.S. Postal Service, announcing the new paperless mail option to your mail recipients.” So MAIL A LETTER telling them they have the option to NOT GET A LETTER?

The long and short of it…

If a company does business with me on a regular basis – I am more than happy to provide them with my email address, just ask. If a company does not have my email address, it’s because I don’t want them to have it! If I do not want their email – I don’t want regular mail from them either! Every single one of my statements come digitally now anyway.

Let me clue this company in on something. Their idea has already been done – IT’S CALLED EMAIL!

So this is a method for someone to get me information who: 1. Cannot call me, 2. Does not have my email address, 3. Only has a physical mailing address, to send me their information… This too already has a name – it’s JUNK MAIL.

There is one thing I think this compnay is good for… I think that all companies who do not have a DIRECT relationship with an individual – should be FORCED to send their mail through this method. It will save a million trees with Bullshit Credit Card offers, life insurance, or magazine subscriptions to MY SINGLE ADDRESS ALONE!. I think any company that is sending UNSOLICITED mail – should be MANDATED to send it through this service. And heavily fined for violations of the mandate. I’ll intro it as the Mailing Environment Saving Statute Assesed Tariff - United States Postal Service (the MESS AT USPS). Save the trees, or pay extra for it! The government needs money – here’s a way to get it.

I keep my fireplace going all winter on just junkmail (ask anyone who knows me, I have not burned more than 5 pieces of wood in my fireplace in over a year…I have a fire going twice a week in the winter).

I think the best thing about this site is the signup… I figured ‘what the hell’ – let’s see if anyone “mailed” me anything. On the page you enter your name and address – then you simply check that agree to the terms of the service, and that you are who you say you are at the address you say… there is nothing else here. (I’m thinking wow, that’s secure). Well I get to the next page and they do have a very secure method of verifying you are who you say you are, at the address you say you’re at….

THEY MAIL YOU A PIN NUMBER THROUGH THE US POSTAL SERVICE.

With the recent economy crisis, people are wondering "how bad is it - reeeally?" Well seeing NYC first hand, I can say that the view out of my window (directly over Wall Street), is not pretty. Walking the streets -it's eerie... People every where - traffic is nuts... But it is QUIET. Too quiet for the "financial capital of the world".

But this story is not about Wall Street - it's about Main Street. Well, Main Street in the South Bronx.

I have business up there, and as my better half has seen firsthand, this area is not the financial capital - well, of anywhere.

I had parked my car on my usual side street in the South Bronx, just a block or so away from the intersection of East Tremont Avenue and Arthur Avenue. I get out of my car, and start walking around to my trunk. A friendly "hello" comes over my left shoulder...

I whip my head around to the left, and now a second hello is from my right. OK - I'm a sucker, who's screwin' with me.

It's some girl, I don't know her - just ignore her - she'll keep walking...

She says "May I speak to you for a minute mister?"

"OK - about what?" I half heartedly respond. Now mind you this is NOT the "best area" in the world. In my head - as I'm speaking to her - my eyes are scanning the block. This has GOT to be a setup. She's gonna chat me up and distract my attention... I'm getting jumped any second... This woman is NOT here looking for a new friend - or for polite conversation. But nobody is there. It's just us...

"I don't mean to bother you, but can you spare some change? I have to go to the store, and get milk for my baby...I'm a little short..."

Leaning into the trunk of my car, I say "I'm sorry darlin, I can't do that for you, not today". I aint feeding any junkies habit.

"I'm not askin for much, just anything you can spare - I HAAVE to get milk for my baby."

Okay, so now - I'm really paying attention to her. I'm not looking in my trunk (for my tire iron) and talking to her from the depths of my trunk (Worst case - Fort apache style, I hop into the trunk and pull it shut - pray I don't get shot thru the trunk lid).

There she is - an early twenties latina woman. Her baseball cap color perfectly matching her shirt color, faded jeans, and a pair of "kicks" (OK showing my age here). A fine looking young woman. She's standing on the curb. Her hands are clasped in front of her at her waist, looking right at me. "A little hottie" by most standards. She's not a junkie, she's not homeless, she's... she's actually a little scared of ME (I think)...

Now that I feel a little more at ease with the situation - I tell her again... "I'm sorry darlin' I can't do that.. I only got seven bucks on me, and the day is just starting."

"okay" and she takes a half step back and stops. She looks down at her feet, takes a quick breath, snaps a quick look up and locks me dead in the eyes...

"umm... and what would I have to do... for you to give me that seven dollars?"

I am stunned.

If the sentence alone, by itself, does not give you a hint as to what she MEANT by that statement, I can assure you that - seeing her eyes glass over - as she questioned not only me, but herself... what would SHE have to do to get those seven dollars...

I said "OK, lets go..." So we started walking, chatted about her kid, that he baby is hungry - I'm up there workin and don't have alot of time - she's just doin what she's gotta do, to get what her kid needs....her accent is thick - a little sexy too. We walk past a laundrymat - to our destination...

We get to the corner, and there is the building. An old front door, some spanish music playing on a radio from inside. The door is slightly open. Being the gentleman that I am, I hold the door open and let her walk inside... I follow her in.

She looks at me - not sure of what I'm going to do. I smile and walk to the back... I know what I'm doing here... I'm going to get some real gratification from this... I've been waiting a long, long time to feel human again - and this woman was going to let me do it - to her - for me...














...when I return from the back of the store... I have a quart of milk in my hand. I pay the two bucks - and leave the change on the counter. I slip a five under the quart, and begin to walk out...

She says "thank you mister..."

We exchanged one last glance - that one that says everything:

Thank you - you're welcome
take care - be well
...if I could... - ...you know you can't...
I'm sorry - I'm sorry

"I gotta get this paperwork filed before my boss kicks my ass... You take care of that kid..."

"...I will... you KNOW - I - will..."




For someone I only met for a minute or two... I know .... SHE WILL.

Help me... Help YOU!

Happy Labor Day all! Hope that laboring is not a part of the day.

OK... riddle me this Batman...

I am becoming increasingly frustrated with "helping people". The main reason of my frustration is that my "help" is not help. It is "do it for me" and moreover, "do it for me" [so when something goes wrong I have someone to blame]."

A perfect example of this is this past weekends events, where I had work with two clients both of which had questions, and followed with little client side assistance, and mostly criticism.

First of which, was the typical "how do I this?" situation. Please explain to me how I was to do ANYTHING;

1. You and I are NOWHERE near our offices.
2. You do not know what you did to screw it up in the first place.
3. Your employees are giving contradicting scenarios of what "actually happened".
4. There is nothing you can present to me at this time to look at.

The most frustrating thing is being repeatedly asked "how do I do this?", AND - EXPECTING - A - FULLY - CORRECT - AND - COMPREHENSIVE - ANSWER.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, expecting different results." - Albert Einstein.

Asking me again and again - will not prompt a different response. I am not insane.

With my response of "I would have to look into the details"... a response I think is more than fair...being presented with nothing.

...to receive attitude, because I cannot pull magic from my ass, and make your problem;
1. Note - YOUR PROBLEM.
2. That YOU cannot figure out.
3. That YOU cannot properly explain for me what led up to this.
4. That YOU nor I are physically anywhere near the project at the exact moment you requested an immediate answer.
5. YOU cannot remember ALL of the details.
6. I am supposed to GUESS what they are.

... make this problem go away.

The second of which was a simple one that I could answer, and offer a solution. However, there were a few more details I needed, so that I could give a definite answer, on the spot. After hearing the details, I gave them a few extra steps that they had to do, and their problem would be gone. Here comes the attitude again...

1. Why did they have to do the extra steps?
2. Why did THEY have to do the extra steps? [apparently I should stop what I'm doing, cause they fucked up.]
3. Why is it taking them so long to do?
4. They are having issues doing it, because THEY are in the middle of other things.

- So, I do it -

5. Why is it taking ME so long to do?

After getting my end done, it winds up that it is not resolved anyway, because, in the end, my advice went in one ear, and out the other. I will get the same call again in the morning.

For future notice of anyone who reads this blog, if you ask me for my assistance, [which involves me putting forth time and effort to help you], and you;

give me nothing to work with;
give me attitude;
make it my problem;
state it is my fault;
put forth ZERO effort on your part;
put forth ZERO effort into my suggested solution; and

when I finally give in - say "fuck it" and do it FOR YOUR sorry ass - you complain about how it's being done;


I can honestly and wholeheartedly inform you in advance - GO FUCK YOURSELF. Fuck you, Fuck your problem, and kiss my ass you ignorant, lazy, stupid piece of shit.

If you want someone to do it FOR YOU - don't ask me to HELP YOU. You can HIRE me to do it.

Helping (in this situation) implies asking "how do I do it?" - I tell you - You go do it.

You do not want my "help" - you want me to do it - to hire me, just not pay me. Hell - I might even do it for free, if you were just straight with me from the beginning.


I can sum this up with a sign from my office:

HOURLY RATES
$50.00 per hour
$75.00 per hour, If you watch.
$100.00 per hour, If you help.
$150.00 per hour, If you tried to do it first and couldn't.

Don't get pissy - because I know how to do it - and YOU DON'T.
Don't be a whiny bitch - when I ask you to HELP YOURSELF.
Don't give me shit - cause you couldn't do it (and I can).
Don't make me waste my time finding a solution - you have NO intention of implementing.
Don't make me waste my time explaining the process - you cannot understand (If you could, you wouldn't need me at all.). - and you are not listening either, because you know you cannot understand it.

"THE PUZZLE"
If you don't like the picture on the box - don't buy it - I can't change the picture inside.
Don't expect me to do the puzzle - if you left the box and all the pieces at home.
If I tell you there are pieces missing - I am not to blame for them being missing - and I am not responsible for finding them either.
Don't give me only half of the puzzle pieces - and expect a full picture.
If I help you to link the frame - the edges better be straight, and the corners, a corner piece.
Don't expect me to make the puzzle pieces - you have lost.
If we work on the puzzle together - you have to be present at the table.
Don't expect me to force puzzle pieces where they don't fit.
If you force a piece and break it - I'll always only see the broken piece.
Don't expect me to find puzzle pieces - you are intentionally hiding - because you do not like that part of the picture - and expect a complete frame.
If you "finished" the puzzle, and there are pieces missing - it is not finished.
Don't expect me to say that it is "finished" - when it's not.
If I finish the puzzle, and you drop it, it is not my fault.
Don't claim ownership to the completed puzzle, when you only bought the box.
If we finish the puzzle, then we can take pride in our efforts.


And finally - maybe someone will quote me one day...

"With the effort of a thousand men, and using all the emotion in my soul, I cannot draw a picture of beauty from your mind."
-Peter D. Somma

...The Brooklyn laymans version...

"even wit everyting I got, dere aint no fuckin' way I can scribble whazz in that fuckin' dome of yaws, ...you fuckin' moron... Oh yeah - your "beauty" - sheez a whoo-a, her muddas a whoo-a, and her faddas a prick - da rat bastad sunnovabitch."
-Petey

On my shitlist:

AT&T Callvantage - For taking my main business number, and making it completely inaccessible to anyone outside of the AT&T Network. Anyone calling from any company other than AT&T, gets a message "the number you have dialed in unallocated.", with no other reference.

Citimortgage - For forcing me to maintain an escrow account, at no interest, for the purpose of paying my property taxes, then they do not pay them. Penalties to me - to follow.

State Farm Insurance - For the Insurance policy on my property, who sends me nothing and calls me one week after my policy is cancelled - to see "how are you doing?"

Citibank - Who as a mortgage customer, offered me a credit card with a "generous credit line". I accepted. The account came with a $1,000 limit. I canceled the account, and thanked them for the ice scraper.

Microsoft Windows - My laptop recently bombed out. System restore did not work; Recovery console did not work; repair using the CD did not work... USING LINUX - to access the drive back up my data... That worked. Ubuntu permanently on my USB drive.

UPDATE:

FACEBOOK - for constantly asking me to install the quicktime plugin...every - single - time - the - page - changes - or - I - click - on - something.

SO...

Now it's facebook. The "next best thing" to myspace. I have been quite skeptical signing up for facebook. This is because of the constant blathering bullshit that came my way - on a minute by minute basis.

"I'm not in your top 8 friends" - "you didn't answer my bulletin on your favorite color" - TOM emailing me daily to tell me some sort of bullshit going on with my fellow (and by fellow - I mean Porn companies posing as women) myspace cohorts. Hell, I still get emails from them from time to time - my account was canceled years ago.

...and in my own naivete... I signed up with it all to my work email, which it completely overloaded to begin with...

So naturally - facebook was a no go. I wasn't jumping in with both feet so quickly, I'll let someone else be the bait this time. (thank you honey).

With that said - you can be quite sure that I have NOT used my "normal" email address for facebook. Actually, I have created one just for it. You are all on notice, don't send anything there, I will never check it. If you know me, you know how to get me... I'm actually going to experiment here... I have just created the address today. I am wondering how long it will take to get 1000 emails. Even with everything blocked, I'm guessing it will be filled with spam in under a week.

And now - we're back... It's been awhile since May 2007, and we're going to keep rants to a minimum. It is to a point that everyone has the same stories, so my putting them in a blog is useless.

All 4 now - we'll see what comes in down the line.

Wow!..Over a month! Well I guess that nothing absolutely stupid has happened...until now.

Once again, a "Customer Service" rant. Although this time, rather than giving it to you second hand, I have the chat sessions with AOL logged.

I was handling it on behalf of a family member, so I omitted a lot of stuff...you will see items placed in "{}". These items were personal information of the individual, that no one online needs to see.

I spent an HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES in chat sessions, with "MHI" persons at AOL. The issue is this... The person was paying AOL for dial-up service (despite having cable for a year..grrr!), even after the "FREE" AOL price plan switch in November...Now I PERSONALLY changed their billing info online TWICE, but AOL has still continued to bill a monthly $9.95...

Now not only have I done this, but when this person signs on, and goes to their billing/account history page, BOTH requests are present, even to this day.

So I took it to a live "human" tech support chat... I don't need to say anything else, the stupidity rolls on here...but I am amazed at what AOL tries to do to people, and what they will go through for $9.95:

Session ID XXXXXXXX
8:47:11 PM System System MHI Neri has joined this session!
8:47:11 PM System System Connected with MHI Neri
8:47:16 PM System System Hello, {ME}. Welcome to AOL Billing Statement Live Help Support. My name is Neri.
8:47:16 PM System System {ME} stated the question or problem as: Billing Issues Billing Statement.
8:47:21 PM Agent MHI Neri May I ask what your name is, or what I can call you?
8:47:34 PM Customer {ME} {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE} is fine...good evening Neri
8:47:57 PM Agent MHI Neri I am pleased to meet you, {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}.
8:48:01 PM Agent MHI Neri I appreciate the opportunity to handle this for you.
8:48:16 PM Agent MHI Neri I will be glad to check that for you. To protect your privacy and security, I will need to complete account verification before accessing your account information.
8:48:21 PM Agent MHI Neri Let's get started! :-)
8:48:26 PM Agent MHI Neri Will you please verify your full name for me?
8:48:29 PM Customer {ME} {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}
8:48:41 PM Agent MHI Neri Thanks.

{Portions omitted for acount info and other stuff that you don't need}

8:51:57 PM Agent MHI Neri Perfect! Thank you so much for providing me that information, {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}. I appreciate it. Let us continue.
8:52:14 PM Customer {ME} well now I am not able to access anything, because I have not paid for my "free" account...
8:52:32 PM Agent MHI Neri I have reviewed your account records and here is what I have found out for you:
8:52:45 PM Agent MHI Neri When AOL no longer has a valid method of payment and an outstanding balance exists on the account, the account's billing contact is notified through a pop-up to provide new billing information.
8:52:57 PM Agent MHI Neri AOL does this reminder as a courtesy to ensure that service is not interrupted.
8:53:06 PM Agent MHI Neri Outdated or incorrect information on your account may cause payment-processing problems, which in some cases could lead to service interruption.
8:53:12 PM Agent MHI Neri Our records show we are unable to bill your AOL membership to the method of payment we have on file for your account. This is the reason we notified you of the need to update your information.
8:53:36 PM Agent MHI Neri There is an outstanding balance of $9.95 on your account. Your financial institution rejected AOL's request for payment on March 22, 2007. We will resubmit uncollected charges on your next month's billing cycle.
8:53:46 PM Customer {ME} OK I understand that....I changed to a "free" account on 1/22/07....why are you still trying to charge me on 3/26/07???
8:53:52 PM Agent MHI Neri This can easily be remedied by updating your payment method. I can help you with that if you would like.
8:54:22 PM Customer {ME} No I am not giving you any information tell me why there is a charge on my account 2 MONTHS after I switched pricing plans....
8:54:42 PM Customer {ME} and why was I charged on 2/24 as well???
8:55:02 PM Agent MHI Neri I understand your concern.
8:55:07 PM Agent MHI Neri I assure you that we have several layers of security to protect your personal information. Also, this is a secure area for customer assistance.
8:55:17 PM Agent MHI Neri Until you update your payment method, the notification pop-up will continue to appear when you sign on to the AOL® software.
8:55:34 PM Agent MHI Neri To update your billing information, sign on to your Master Screen Name then visit AOL® Keyword: BILLING. Enter your ASQ when asked. In the MY ACCOUNT section (left side of the page), click the PAYMENT METHOD link and follow on-screen instructions.
8:55:37 PM Customer {ME} I am not updating anything...you do not need a credit card # for something that is "FREE"
8:56:09 PM Customer {ME} there is nothing to bill if it is "FREE"
8:57:07 PM Agent MHI Neri I understand your concern. Let me explain that for you.
8:58:22 PM Agent MHI Neri Our records shows no request to the Free AOL services on your account. The last price plan change request was to the $9.95 AOL Basic Dial-up plan which was made last December 25, 2006.
8:58:45 PM Customer {ME} I'm in my account right now....account changed 1/22/05 15:00
8:59:03 PM Customer {ME} my apologies...2007
8:59:36 PM Customer {ME} also have email confirmation & screencapture of the change...
8:59:57 PM Agent MHI Neri I apologize but your records shows no price plan change request to the Free services on your account.
9:00:12 PM Agent MHI Neri Please allow me to apologize. It is AOL's standard policy to not make any changes to our members' accounts without their direct request and permission, and the e-mail you received did not clearly state that.
9:00:17 PM Agent MHI Neri We actually have AOL® Keywords: MY ACCOUNT and CHANGE PLAN built to assist you in making this change online. This way you do not need to speak to anyone and can make the changes directly to your account quickly and securely.
9:00:43 PM Customer {ME} really now....
9:01:33 PM Customer {ME} so the email that i have received, the screen capture that I have on file, and MY ACCOUNT INFORMATION CURRENTLY ON MY SCREEN showing an account changed performed on 1/22/07 at 15:00 "does not clearly state that"???
9:02:25 PM Agent MHI Neri I understand why you might feel that way and I am sorry about the inconvenience.
9:03:01 PM Customer {ME} I'm looking at my recent account activity as we speak...are you telling me that you cannot see this yourself??? Please tell me that there is no entry on your system dated 1/22/07..
9:03:08 PM Customer {ME} I dare you
9:03:27 PM Agent MHI Neri Are you referring to this AOL account you are currently signed on to?
9:03:52 PM Customer {ME} yes
9:04:01 PM Agent MHI Neri Thanks for clarifying that.
9:04:04 PM Customer {ME} can I drop a jpeg in this chat??
9:04:15 PM Customer {ME} will show you what YOUR site is telling me
9:04:27 PM Agent MHI Neri Yes, {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}, there is no record of a price plan change on your account on January 22, 2007.
9:05:12 PM Customer {ME} Thank you that is all I needed to know then, you cannot help me with this issue, and I shall be sure to report this credit card fraud to the appropriate authorities...Thank you Neri...goodnight
PM Agent MHI Neri Is there anything else I can assist you with at this time?
9:06:17 PM Customer {ME} You can only do what your computer tells you...I understand...
9:06:31 PM Customer {ME} Thank you for your assistance, I will take this up accordingly..
9:06:52 PM Agent MHI Neri Thank you so much for understanding and for your exceptional patience regarding this matter, {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}. I sincerely appreciate it.
9:07:14 PM System System The session has ended!

NOW, not to be a pest or anything, but I tried again....

Exit 10:10:24 PM System MHI Jacque has joined this session!
10:10:25 PM System Connected with MHI Jacque
10:10:39 PM MHI Jacque Hello, my name is Jacqueline S. You have been transferred to Cost Automated Refresh and Reactivation Live Help. Please wait a moment while I review your previous session.
10:10:59 PM MHI Jacque I understand you want to confirm the status of your AOL account, do I have that correct ?
10:11:46 PM {ME} I know the status, It's on hold for payment...what payment I am unsure of since I switched to a free account on 1/22, with the last "cycle" payment on 2/24
10:12:15 PM {ME} which was made...but now I have a new charge...which I dunno why my "free" account is being charged
10:12:25 PM {ME} or on hold for said charge
10:13:25 PM MHI Jacque I will be glad to check your account. To protect your privacy and security, I will need to complete account verification before processing your request.
10:13:30 PM MHI Jacque What is your AOL screen name ?
10:13:34 PM {ME} {ME}
10:14:57 PM MHI Jacque Will you please verify your full name for me?
10:14:58 PM {ME} next??
10:15:02 PM {ME} {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}
10:15:53 PM {ME} .......
10:17:05 PM MHI Jacque Can you please provide me the answer to the Account Security Question of the Primary Master Screen Name? Here is the question:
10:17:10 PM MHI Jacque {OMITTED...cause you don't need this}
10:17:34 PM {ME} {Answer you don't need either} ....and all of these items had to be entered to get to you...
10:17:36 PM {ME} next?
10:18:20 PM MHI Jacque The information you have provided matched what we currently have on file. Thank you very much for helping me verify your account.
10:18:25 PM MHI Jacque Please understand that we have a required verification process to follow when accessing account information. This is to protect the account privacy and security of our members like you.
10:18:35 PM MHI Jacque I know how inconvenient this can be, but please understand that we need to be consistent in verifying an account as we are strictly required to do so.
10:18:51 PM {ME} OK just gone through it...well this is now the third time...
10:19:32 PM {ME} so now that I am who I am, why is AOL still attempting to bill me for a "free" account?
10:19:40 PM MHI Jacque I apologize for the inconvenience.
10:19:50 PM MHI Jacque To confirm we have the correct information on file, may I have your current street home phone number, street address and zip code?
10:20:05 PM MHI Jacque Also, please indicate If you have an apartment number.
10:20:14 PM {ME} you have the correct info on file...again...how is this customer service.?

10:20:41 PM MHI Jacque So we can keep our records on file up to date and correct. You can update your information online anytime at Keyword MY ACCOUNT.
10:20:50 PM MHI Jacque Let's continue.
10:20:59 PM {ME} thank you
10:21:27 PM MHI Jacque You are most welcome, {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}.
10:21:33 PM MHI Jacque Allow me to explain why you are receiving the pop up.
10:22:25 PM MHI Jacque When AOL no longer has a valid method of payment and an outstanding balance exists on the account, the account's billing contact is notified through a pop-up to provide new billing information.
10:22:40 PM MHI Jacque AOL does this reminder as a courtesy to ensure that service is not interrupted.
10:22:49 PM MHI Jacque Outdated or incorrect information on your account may cause payment-processing problems, which in some cases could lead to service interruption.
10:22:57 PM MHI Jacque Please hold for a moment so I can review your account.
10:23:10 PM {ME} If I have a FREE account there is NOTHING to process!!!!
10:24:10 PM MHI Jacque Thank you for holding, {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}.
10:24:20 PM MHI Jacque I have reviewed your account records and here is what I have found out for you:
10:24:30 PM MHI Jacque Our records show we are unable to bill your AOL® membership to the method of payment we have on file for your account. This is the reason we notified you of the need to update your information.
10:24:50 PM MHI Jacque There is an outstanding balance of $9.95 on your account. Your financial institution rejected AOL's request for payment on March 22 2007. We will resubmit uncollected charges on your next month's billing cycle.
10:25:14 PM MHI Jacque This can easily be remedied by updating your payment method. I can help you with that if you would like.
10:25:19 PM {ME} WHAT PART OF FREE ACCOUNT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND???
10:25:55 PM MHI Jacque Your current price plan is the $9.95 basic dial up plan.
10:26:13 PM {ME} lemme ask you something....LOOK UP my "DIAL UP USAGE"....
10:26:23 PM {ME} also look for "change plan" on 1/22/07
10:26:43 PM {ME} I have it here ON MY SCREEN in my account...provided from YOUR WEBSITE
10:27:01 PM {ME} I don't want to be rude here....
10:27:10 PM {ME} but this is ridiculous
10:27:35 PM MHI Jacque I can see how that is frustrating and I regret the inconvenience it has caused you.
10:27:51 PM {ME} so If I changed my plan on 1/22...why are you still trying to bill me 2 months later?
10:28:01 PM {ME} I was told the last bill would be 2/24
10:28:05 PM {ME} which I paid
10:28:10 PM {ME} as agreed
10:28:18 PM {ME} per my plan at the time....
10:28:30 PM {ME} I am not paying for anything past 2/24
10:29:05 PM MHI Jacque Our records show no changes to your AOL® pricing plan to the free AOL service. Please be assured that you are still on the $9.95 basic dial up plan.
10:30:03 PM {ME} well please be assured that I have my documentation here that states otherwise...in addition, there has been no dial up access to this account in months...
10:30:13 PM {ME} So...
10:30:36 PM {ME} We have a problem here...and I would like it resolved.
10:31:18 PM MHI Jacque I will tell you more about some great pricing offers after we have updated your payment information. This will be necessary to avoid possible service disruption.
10:31:18 PM {ME} I am attempting (now a third time) to resolve it...would you like me to fax MY PAPERWORK on the issue?
10:32:00 PM {ME} or just report the credit fraud you are attempting to commit?
10:32:20 PM MHI Jacque Again, we apologize for the frustration and inconvenience you have experienced. We appreciate your patience and your desire to get this matter resolved.
10:32:38 PM {ME} I'm glad you are so professional about this...will make for a great youtube video...
10:33:03 PM {ME} as is PAR for AOL service....you have yet to address my issue....
10:33:42 PM {ME} I have, in my account a "change plan" action on 1/22...WOULD YOU LIKE IT FAXED TO YOU?
10:34:00 PM MHI Jacque Yes, I will be glad to help you with your price plan concern after we have updated your payment method, would that be okay with you ?
10:34:08 PM {ME} You are dense
10:34:18 PM {ME} I am not giving you any financial info
10:34:21 PM {ME} for a free account
10:34:35 PM MHI Jacque Did you receive an email confirmation about the price plan change requested on January 22 ?
10:34:52 PM {ME} probably did...
10:35:20 PM MHI Jacque Could you for forward the email to my screen name in order I can verify this.
10:35:40 PM MHI Jacque * Can you please forward it.
10:35:49 PM {ME} sure hold on
10:36:15 PM MHI Jacque Thank you.
10:36:20 PM MHI Jacque I would be happy to hold for a brief moment. Please let me know when you are ready to continue.
10:38:36 PM MHI Jacque Not to rush you, but are you still with me?
10:38:40 PM {ME} yep
10:38:51 PM MHI Jacque Thank you.
10:39:57 PM MHI Jacque I hope you are still with me, {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}.
10:40:58 PM MHI Jacque Please send a message that you are still with me, or I will have to end this session to help the next person in line.
10:41:04 PM {ME} sending now
10:41:13 PM MHI Jacque Okay
10:41:38 PM MHI Jacque Please forward it to {in fairness, not putting her personal email on here either}.
10:42:38 PM MHI Jacque Not to rush you, but are you still with me?
10:42:56 PM {ME} yep
10:42:59 PM {ME} still here
10:43:04 PM {ME} get it yet?
10:43:28 PM MHI Jacque Yes please forward it to {still being nice here...}
10:43:35 PM {ME} did that
10:43:53 PM {ME} from {ME}...subject {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE} account
10:44:03 PM MHI Jacque Please forward the original email.
10:44:36 PM MHI Jacque I do apologize however, I am unable to download a file.
10:44:45 PM {ME} OK fine but you're gonna have to wait to see if I can even find the email from 3 months ago
10:44:53 PM MHI Jacque I appreciate your understanding.
10:45:13 PM MHI Jacque Here is what I can do for you today.
10:45:25 PM {ME} OK
10:46:29 PM MHI Jacque Because we value your membership, if you update your payment information today, I can waive $5.00 from your outstanding balance. That's equivalent to half month of your outstanding balance months! How does that sound?
10:48:00 PM System Connected with MHI Jacque
10:48:00 PM MHI Jacque I hope you were able to get the last information I have just provided. Did it come through to you clearly?
10:48:15 PM {ME} Sounds like I'm getting rooked for $5....It's not even the money....its the PRINCIPAL... AOL has been sucking a crappy $9.95 for this account...I switch to a FREE account as soon as it is offered...but that one "didn't go thorugh" so I did it again in January....
10:49:04 PM MHI Jacque Okay, ....
10:49:04 PM MHI Jacque Because we value your membership, if you update your payment information today, I can waive your outstanding balance. How does that sound?
10:49:05 PM {ME} now youre saying "this one didn't go through" even though my account status, on your website, shows on 1/22/07 at 15:00 hours, I requested a price plan change
10:49:35 PM {ME} Well great! waive it...but since I'm on a free plan...you shouldn't need any info....
10:49:41 PM {ME} or am I not making any sense there???
10:50:06 PM MHI Jacque I'm sorry, I could only waived your outstanding balance if you will update your payment method now.
10:50:06 PM {ME} or are you going to try to bill me again later this month?
10:50:28 PM MHI Jacque Until you update your payment method, the notification pop-up will continue to appear when you sign on to the AOL® software.
10:50:45 PM {ME} That's insane...
10:51:08 PM {ME} For a free account, you shouldn't need any credit info
10:51:21 PM {ME} unless you are telling me that you will be charging me something in the future
10:51:41 PM {ME} is this what you are leaving out?
10:51:59 PM MHI Jacque Again, my apology, however, your current price plan remains on the basic dial up plan.
10:52:53 PM {ME} OK maybe you should re-read my original question....
10:53:18 PM {ME} IF I HAVE A FREE PLAN...you know FREE....
10:53:18 PM MHI Jacque I'm sorry, our records show no changes to your AOL® pricing plan to the free AOL service.
10:53:26 PM MHI Jacque Here is what I recommend.
10:53:47 PM {ME} I"M ALL EARS
10:53:48 PM MHI Jacque **instructions.
10:54:49 PM MHI Jacque I hope you were able to get the last information I have just provided. Did it come through to you clearly?
10:55:02 PM {ME} just ..."*instructions"
10:55:39 PM MHI Jacque I am sorry about that. Let me send the information once again.
10:55:49 PM MHI Jacque If you wish to view or update your billing information, sign on to your Master Screen Name then visit AOL® Keyword: MY ACCOUNT or the Web site: http://bill.aol.com. Enter your ASQ when asked. In the MY ACCOUNT section (left side of the page), click the PAYMENT METHOD link
10:56:09 PM MHI Jacque and follow on-screen instructions.
10:56:38 PM MHI Jacque Let's continue.
10:56:52 PM MHI Jacque I understand you are interested on the free AOL service, do I have that correct ?
10:56:59 PM {ME} yep
10:57:09 PM System We are enabling members who have already purchased a high-speed connection to continue using our AOL® free services option. This includes your existing AOL® e-mail address and Buddy List® features,
10:57:09 PM System the continued protection from AOL’s comprehensive Safety and Security features, and continued access to AOL's great broadband programming and content -- all for free for as long as you'd like to use them. There is no catch or commitment.
10:57:14 PM System We're able to continue our relationship with you for free because you're getting your connection elsewhere, which means we no longer provide your connectivity access or live customer support.
10:57:14 PM System Please note that your continued use of our free services will remain subject to the AOL® Terms of Service.
10:57:29 PM {ME} exactly.
10:57:56 PM {ME} been there..done that...twice...and now we're still here arguing over when I did or did not do that
10:58:15 PM {ME} DID IT...IS ON MY ACCOUNT 1/22/07 15:00....
10:58:26 PM MHI Jacque Since there is no record noted on this account on the price plan update to free, ....
10:58:39 PM MHI Jacque Would you like to take advantage of the free AOL® services option?
10:59:14 PM {ME} ok I'll repeat....been there..done that...twice...and now we're still here arguing over when I did or did not do...yes I would have loved this to have gone through...
10:59:52 PM MHI Jacque Allow me to explain that there is no price plan request to free noted on this account.
11:00:07 PM {ME} and I'll repeat again...the 1/22/07 15:00 is what is on YOUR website... I honestly don't remember that as the exact date...
11:00:17 PM {ME} you gave it to me
11:00:29 PM MHI Jacque Would you like to take advantage of the free AOL® services option?
11:00:35 PM {ME} YES...
11:00:37 PM {ME} yes
11:00:39 PM {ME} uh huh
11:00:44 PM MHI Jacque Thank you.
11:00:46 PM {ME} thats what I've been saying
11:00:59 PM MHI Jacque Do you currently connect via dial-up or do you have any DSL, cable, or wireless service already established?
11:01:03 PM {ME} cable
11:01:08 PM {ME} and have for over a year
11:01:19 PM MHI Jacque Thanks for confirming that.
11:01:24 PM MHI Jacque Let me assure you that this matter has already been resolved. Here is what we have done for you to take care of the issue:
11:01:34 PM MHI Jacque I have completed migrating your account to the free AOL® services option as discussed.
11:01:43 PM {ME} thank you very very VERY much
11:01:54 PM MHI Jacque Are you good with this change, {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}?
11:01:58 PM MHI Jacque You are most welcome.
11:02:11 PM {ME} yes...an what about any open balances?
11:02:19 PM {ME} I hope that they have been wiped as well
11:02:39 PM MHI Jacque Let me give you some information you may want to write down. First, your free AOL® services plan which will take effect on your next billing date, which includes unlimited access to AOL via a high-speed Internet connection or
11:02:54 PM MHI Jacque dial-up connection purchased separately from another provider. This service plan does not include dial-up Internet access and does not include live customer support from AOL,
11:03:14 PM MHI Jacque but you will continue to enjoy any pre-paid dial-up time remaining in your current bill cycle. Although you will no longer be charged any monthly membership fee, you will be responsible for any other charges you might have incurred since
11:03:34 PM MHI Jacque your last billing date as well as any outstanding balance on your account and any premium services to which you have separately subscribed.
11:03:54 PM MHI Jacque If An additional $5 monthly charge will still apply if premium services or additional fees are paid through your checking account or telephone bill.
11:04:19 PM MHI Jacque If you find that you have a problem using the AOL® software for the first time with your new connectivity provider, you can get easy-to-use instructions on quickly solving this issue at AOL.com.
11:04:27 PM MHI Jacque The first article that appears "Use AOL Software with another ISP Connection "will provide you with the assistance you need. If you need further assistance or have any questions about your current services, please visit AOL® Keyword: MY ACCOUNT.
11:04:44 PM MHI Jacque An email will be sent out within 7 to 10 business days, confirming that we have discontinued billing monthly membership fees for your AOL® service.
11:05:01 PM {ME} yes this is already what I agreed to back in JANUARY...and since I agreed to is in JANUARY....and paid a bill in FEBRUARY...my balance should be $0.00...
11:05:42 PM {ME} or am I not making sense again???
11:05:54 PM MHI Jacque I do apologize, you will still be responsible for the outstanding balance on your account.
11:06:44 PM MHI Jacque Are there any other questions I can answer at this time?
11:07:24 PM {ME} With all due respect, and please note that this is not directed at you personally, but AOL can shove the $9.95...I have on my end what I did do, a copy of my current account statement from your website, and I'll be sure to find the email on or about 1/22....
11:08:04 PM {ME} ON PRINCIPAL ALONE....I absolutely refuse to pay AOL anything....
11:08:11 PM MHI Jacque If you find the email, we will be glad to have you visit us here at Billing Live.
11:08:39 PM MHI Jacque Again, {YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE}, I apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced concerning this matter.
11:09:17 PM {ME} not an inconvenience...will make for great youtube video...I have your email, I will be sure to pass on the link {which I have not, feeling in a nicer mood today.}
11:09:59 PM MHI Jacque I'm sorry to hear that.
11:10:04 PM MHI Jacque Are there any other questions I can answer at this time?
11:10:27 PM {ME} no but thank you for switching me to the free account....I will take up any balances with your legal department
11:11:21 PM MHI Jacque Thank you for visiting AOL® Live Help. If you need assistance in the future, just visit the Live Help area at AOL® Keyword: LIVE HELP or on the Internet, go to http://contactus.aol.com/.
11:11:23 PM {ME} great! appreciate the info!
11:11:39 PM MHI Jacque You are most welcome.
11:11:42 PM {ME} you have a good night!
11:12:09 PM MHI Jacque Have a good night!

Hey Comcast!

OK new rant for the day...this one is about my cable TV...

Comcast Boasts that they have thousands of hours of "on demand" television.

Myself, I am a big hockey fan. It is one of the few things I will STOP to watch, and actually pay attention to. So I figure "hey, I haven't seen a game in awhile...let me grab it on demand."

So I go through the maze of menus, and finally find "Flyers" (Hey I'm a hockey fan, and even watching a crappy team can get me my fix "LET'S GO RANGERS!")...

"No listings available"....what? NO game? huh... That makes no sense...they did play Saturday, why can't I get that?...It was only 2 days ago....

So I goof around in the menus...I did happen to find 14 selections of AAA HIGH SCHOOL swmming/diving events, and some of these events are 3 hours long...

So comcast thinks that they have to save programming space for 30+ hours of high school sports, but cannot leave ONE SINGLE flyers game on the system for more than 24 hours?

I hope the mommies and daddies of these lil fishies have to pay extra for their kids to go to school, for the pleasure of being able to tell Bob next door to watch the kid on TV. Because we all know the local high school pulls in more viewers then the Flyers...Maybe the local swimming hole should be move to the Wachovia.

Thanks for the thousands of hours of programming comcast, I personally only wanted 2 and a half, preferably pointed at a little black disc with a bunch of guys chasing it around...

Side rant...Vs. (formerly the "outdoor life network") carries NHL Hockey as well...(NHL WTF were you thinking signing that contract)...they carry games outside the region (i.e. for when I don't wanna watch the sucky Flyers)...yeah...your "On Demand" selections consist of 15 min outtakes of the games...

Dear Mr. CEO of the Vs. network...Please send me a copy of your video of the birth of your child, so that I can cut it down to "only the important parts". I would also like to make a pet project of your wedding video, your kids first steps, and I will be sure to cut it "professionally" into 10 second clips....I'll be sure to make your entire wedding ceremony fits into 7 mins (just like an ENTIRE NHL game in your recaps), and then be sure to ad in clips of other people's weddings for the last 7 minutes, covered by "commentary" from useless individuals.

Cmon now...somebody just show a game...